Church and other musings...

[dreamflower]

Rambly church thoughts behind the cut...

I was tired and a little sad this morning when I went to church, thinking of how some of my online friends had been abused by someone they had befriended, and worrying that this experience might make them want to give up on online friendships, or be less trusting.

The service was wonderful-- especially the music. We sang one of my favorite Thanksgiving hymns this morning:

We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing;
He chastens and hastens His will to make known;
The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing,
Sing praises to His name: He forgets not his own.

Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,
Ordaining, maintaining His kingdom divine
So from the beginning the fight we were winning;
Thou, Lord, wast at our side, All glory be thine!

We all do extol thee, thou leader triumphant,
And pray that thou still our defender wilt be.
Let thy congregation escape tribulation;
Thy name be ever praised! O Lord, make us free!

There was accompaniment from our church's brass band: two trumpets, two trombones and a French horn, and it really lifted my heart.

Then a member of the congregation sang "Pass It On". Her voice was not that great, and in some churches I know of she would not have been allowed to sing a solo. But this young woman has been through a lot, including a severe injury, and she wanted to express her thanks in this way. I don't think anyone in the congregation was unmoved, and everyone stood at the conclusion of her song.

Anyway, the rest of the service was just as touching, and during the prayer, I found myself thinking about kindness and gratitude and ingratitude. I've always believed very firmly that being nice, being kind, and being polite is the way to go through this world, but sometimes it seems like that old saying "nice guys finish last" is true.

But it's not. I suppose if you are nice and kind to people in the expectation that they will also be nice and kind to you, you may often be disappointed in them.

But you won't be disappointed in yourself, because you will know you've done the right thing.

Of course, people who make a habit of abusing the kindness of others are not disappointed in themselves most of the time, because they think they deserve to get all they can in any way that they can. But sooner or later it will catch up to them, and they will find they are far sadder and lonelier than they would have been if they had not paved their path on the good hearts of others.

Anyway, we are told "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." It doesn't say those others will follow through, however.

But people who are kind reap their own reward-- it's just not the same type of reward that people who are unkind are looking for.

And I just want to say that on my flist there are many, many kind people and I am a better person for "knowing" them, whether I have ever met you in person or not, I am ever so thankful to you, and to God for putting you in my life.

Comments

[shirebound]

Well said, my friend. The Golden Rule has been, and always will be, the life I try to follow, although the wackos and abusers sometimes make it a more challenging path to follow.

We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing...

I haven't heard that song in a very long time, since school choir. Thank you for sparking some lovely memories for me today. *beams*

[dreamflower]

(((((((hugs you))))))

*beams back*

You are a true treasure, dear! I'm glad if I made you smile.

[ceshaughnessy.livejournal.com]

Amen. Well said! *Hugs*

[dreamflower]

(((hugs back))))

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

It's a good time to take thought about our lives and the people we know at this time of the year, and I enjoyed reading your thoughtful post.

I'm with Janet, the Golden Rule is my guiding star, and I've never felt I went wrong by following it. I can't control the behavior of others, but I can control my own, and my response to it. For years, I've striven every day to overcome the selfishness in my nature and tried to live in a way that lets me look at myself in the mirror without shame.

Like you, I'm grateful for the many kind and loving friends I've made here on LJ.

[dreamflower]

I can't control the behavior of others, but I can control my own, and my response to it.

*nods* Exactly. ((hugs))

[labourslamp.livejournal.com]

I wasn't able to go to church this morning, but last night I cracked open my Bible and read 1 John all the way through and it helped a lot--not that I was in particular need of help, mind, but situations like these get a body thinking.

And I found my mind turning to the same things--love, and gratitude. Mostly about how incredibly lucky I am--in faith and forgiveness, in real-life circumstances, but also online--to be able to write, to be able to share that with people who understand it, and to connect with these people even on the most superficial level. Makes me mist up when I think about it.

Nice guys may finish last, but the race was never about speed. It was about just getting to the finish line in one piece, and if that means that we slow down because we're all running together, we're going to have a much pleasanter time of it.

[shirebound]

if that means that we slow down because we're all running together, we're going to have a much pleasanter time of it.

What a lovely image.

[labourslamp.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks! *blush*

[dreamflower]

Nice guys may finish last, but the race was never about speed. It was about just getting to the finish line in one piece, and if that means that we slow down because we're all running together, we're going to have a much pleasanter time of it.

What a beautiful and apt metaphor. I love it. And you are so right.

[labourslamp.livejournal.com]

Well, the metaphor wasn't mine... I just played with the one you posted until it turned into something that sounded true--not only factually but also mythically.

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

oh, I love this way of saying it! <3

[labourslamp.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[pandemonium-213.livejournal.com]

I love that hymn. I well remember singing it during my days as part of the choir in the United Methodist Church. One of the better outcomes of that whole brouhaha is that it makes me appreciate all the more the good folks I have met in this fandom, both online and in Real Life™.

[dreamflower]

*nods* Then I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you to know that I'm Methodist. And I can't think of a Thanksgiving we didn't sing that one.

I think the majority of the people I've met in our corner of fandom are, for the most part, Good Guys!TM in the best sense of the words.

[pandemonium-213.livejournal.com]

Then I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you to know that I'm Methodist.

No surprise at all. Based on other remarks you've made and your admirable approach to Christianity, I was going to guess as much. My mother (age 96!) remains active in the UMC, and I have fond memories of Reverend Mac, who was our minister when I was in middle school and part of high school. Rev. Mac was a true intellectual (almost rabbinical!) and also was the substitute science teacher at our high school. He had no problems whatsoever with the theory of evolution nor a universe that was billions of years old. In fact, in one of his most memorable sermons (memorable to me anyway), he compared the structure of an atom to a galaxy. It was very cool.

[dreamflower]

He sounds like a very dear man. I love the motto of the UMC: "Open hearts, open minds, open doors."

[addie71.livejournal.com]

Like some of the others, I try to let the Golden Rule be my guide. I've made some good 'friends' here and some that are not so good. LJ mimic RL that way.

[dreamflower]

Yes, we bump against all sorts in life, and just as there are bound to be a few bad apples in RL, so there will be in fandom as well.

[rhapsody11.livejournal.com]

About six years ago I came to know you, and I want to say how much I cherish your friendship. *hugs*

[dreamflower]

I cherish yours as well, dear! ((((hugs back))))

[ellynn-ithilwen.livejournal.com]

I am happy to know you too, and many others from the fandom. :)
*hugs you*

[dreamflower]

((hugs))

[elandulin.livejournal.com]

I'm very thankful to know you. I know I don't knock very often, but when I do, you always come to the door, and are very kind, and I appreciate it very much.

I always liked that hymn; thank you for sharing it, and these thoughtful musings.

And I'm sorry to hear somebody got hurt online; I did too, some years ago, and I know from experience it can be brutal. But people like you and others here make up for it!

[dreamflower]

((hugs)) But then, you are very kind to me as well, dear! I enjoy our exchanges immensely.

You know, most of the time when people get hurt online, it is the result of either a misunderstanding (very easy when you can't see people's faces or hear their voices) or it results from someone making a hurtful remark in trying to be funny, or they simply lose their temper and in saying the things one says in anger, forget that words said online can't really be taken back once they've been seen.

Only rarely is there a case like this one, one in which the person actually sets out on purpose to hurt people and deceive them, and sustains it for not merely months, but years. It really almost beggars belief.

[elandulin.livejournal.com]

Yikes. That IS ugly. And sad--because in addition to the pain caused innocent people, there is also the fact that the perpetrators must necessarily be twisted and damaged themselves, and living in that reality.

I ran afoul of that kind of damaged individual myself once, and I was really angry at them, until I realized that I had the wherewithal to recover, and they very likely didn't have the ability or the wish to change what they had become.

Life goes on.

[dreamflower]

Indeed. If you want to know a little more about it, it is explained in this post: http://dawn-felagund.livejournal.com/265934.html

Short version: essentially she posed as a woman dying of cancer, and then faked her own death. There was a lot more drama to it than that, but she carried it a little too far and got found out. But she spent over two years cultivating friendships with people who were then genuinely grieved at her "death".

[elandulin.livejournal.com]

Fascinating. When I read your original post here before seeing this explanation post, I tried to think of anybody I'd ever come across who pinged my radar in that way and this was actually the person who came up! I had only one fleeting contact with her through your Yahoo site but she reminded me oddly of people I had known before. And strangely enough, one of those early situations for me involved someone who supposedly committed suicide after creating an extremely sympathetic and well-loved persona on a message board. The perpetrator of this very elaborate hoax lived in Australia.

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

oh how awful. I don't know what's going on, of course, since I don't know anyone who seems to be involved (I'm just seeing crytpic posts here and there on my flist), but how awful to be deliberately set upon and hurt by someone that you considered a friend.

**hugs**

[dreamflower]

You can find out a little more about it here:

http://dawn-felagund.livejournal.com/265934.html

She truly grieved and hurt many people, and caused rifts between others.

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

I cherish your friendship .I've found the vast majority of people 90%, I'd say of people I've met online to be genuine.I've made some great friendships through this fandom and thank God for you all.

I've been to church myself today and found it a good time to reflect.We just have to muddle along as best we can trying to what is right.

[dreamflower]

Thank you, Linda.

Church is always a good time to reflect, in the company of like-minded people who have their own reflections to make.

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

I've also been really really lucky in that 99% or so of all the friends that I've made online that I've met in person have been wonderful and remain good friends. *nods* Overall, this is a good place, I think! :)

[meneleth.livejournal.com]

First of all, that is one of my favorite hymns too. I love the tune and the words and I love singing it.

Your musings about kindness and rewards remind me of the Gospel lesson we heard today from Luke's account of the crucifixion. The one thief asks Christ to "remember me" and Christ says "Today you shall be with me in paradise." That's the reward we hope for in the end, but even then it's not because we've been good but because we believe. But, because we believe, we should *want* to be good. Or, as my e-mail signature says, How we live does not affect God's love for us, but God's love for us should affect how we live.

[dreamflower]

It's a beautiful hymn, and like so many of the old hymns it really says a lot, more than many of the newer ones.

How we live does not affect God's love for us, but God's love for us should affect how we live.

How very true.

[rhyselle.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the hymn. I've always like that particular song (Well, I've always loved all hymns of praise and thanksgiving), and I like the fact that in my church we've sung it at other times of the year too.

I haven't been posting on my LJ much lately due to my netbook being in the shop (and my sister was sweet and brought me her old laptop computer so I can get back online as the repair folk are STILL waiting for 2 back-ordered parts), but I think that I'm going to make a post about thankfulness. It's high time I focuses on the blessings in my life instead of the negative things.

Thanks for helping me see that today. God bless!

[dreamflower]

(((hugs))) I saw your post. It was a delightful list of blessings!

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

I agree fully. If you treat people the way that you would want to be treated, then yours will ultimately be happier, even if life doesn't always seem to be fair.

Your load will always be lighter if you know you're doing the right thing. I try to keep my heart open and positive as much as possible and send good thoughts to as many as possible (even the annoying person driving in front of me who doesn't use their turn signals, lol!)

***Hugs***

[dreamflower]

I can understand about the turn signal person, I really can. Though I must say the people who pass on double yellow lines do try my patience the most.

(((hugs back)))

[ramblin_rosie]

*hugs* I can't remember whether I said so or not at the time, but I really did enjoy getting to meet you in October. It was definitely one of the highlights of my year. :)

[dreamflower]

It was wonderful to get to meet you as well. I always take a chance to meet my LJ friends in RL, and have never regretted it!

[harrowcatliz.livejournal.com]

Thankyou for this Dreamflower. I got sucked in and tried to be gently supportive but without being judgemental of any of the situations. I tend to take people at face value and, even when it seemed unbelievable how much bad luck one family could suffer, I stuck with it. I found myself thinking and praying for 'the family' a lot. Not time wasted as no prayer is wasted and I shall continue to pray for this person.

I am sad, however, to realise how much of my time has been spent responding to her fictional life and woes that could have been better used reading my favourite fanfic and encouraging authors with reviews. I want to apologise to those I have neglected in this way. Hopefully, more normal, Harrowcatliz service will soon be resumed in this respect.

[dreamflower]

*nods* I tend to take people at face value as well. I think the only reason I avoided getting sucked in was the couple of times I "talked" to her via IM, I tried to give her useful advice for finding professional help, because I knew I was not equipped to handle the sort of problems she was throwing at me. I guess that was not what she wanted to hear, and I kind of drew back after that.

And no, prayer is never wasted-- because God knew what was really going on, if we did not. And good will and kindness are never wasted either.

But now you can get back to the more enjoyable parts of fandom, like reading and reviewing.

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

What a beautiful hymn, and a lovely healing post. The golden rule is also something I try to live by, though I don't always succeed. And yes, often those to whom we show kindness don't return it, and indeed return it with vindictive malice, which always astonishes me. "No good deed goes unpunished" and all that, I suppose. But we have to keep on doing the good deeds anyway.

*hugs* Thank you. Your words helped.

[dreamflower]

I'm very happy if my words helped. I know that my reflections helped me.

(((hugs back)))

[aspenjules.livejournal.com]

Just spotted this post in as I surfed around dealing with insomnia. I *also* love that hymn, and thoroughly enjoyed singing it in my head as I read through the words of it.

I've dealt a bit a time or two with similar situations online and now when I run into someone like that I am wary and don't spend too much time on them. It's rough, I suppose, but I've learned that real-life assistance (either giving or receiving) is best and so I focus more on those around me that need my help and encourage any online friends dealing with difficulties to search out real world comfort. Warm flesh-and-blood people are usually what we need most in such times. Not so say that I haven't gotten much comfort, entertainment and good advice from my online friends, I just try to keep my priorities straighter now.

As far as how I treat others and following the golden rule.. I do what I do because it's the only way for me to be. It makes me ill to be angry, literally, physically sick to my stomach, so I am nice to others for my own sake. Those who don't return it? Well, I feel bad for them, and will also avoid them in future if possible. But most people, including my delightful online friends, are wonderful loving people in return and I am very blessed for knowing them. And you are certainly in that category, my dear. Thanks for a very thoughtful and thought-inspiring post.